Behind The Wheel

I know everyone thinks that traffic in their neck of the woods is the worst in the nation and that drivers in their city are the most awful. But, really, as anyone who has been to Miami can attest, we really do have the most preposterous obstacle course highways in North America. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve just given up on getting to my destination, and have turned around and gone home, to spend another hour looking for parking. For example – I-95. It begins somewhere near the Canadian border and it’s possible to drive down I-95 from Maine through New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and down through Georgia to Jacksonville. As you enter the Miami area, all rules, courtesies and manners are to be thrown out the window. No, really. Your life depends on it. You’ve got to be all adrenaline and dilated pupils to make it from Aventura to Miami Beach alive. You will need to maneuver around grandmas sitting on phone books to see over the steering wheel while driving 40mph in the fast lanes, Haitian tap tap drivers, lost and frightened German tourists and street moto-racers living out their “2 Fast, 2 Furious” fantasies while weaving in and out at 140mph. I can deal with all of them. But, I am totally out of patience with morons meandering their way, from one lane to one three lanes over, while talking on their cell phones and accelerating and decelerating intermittently and without any outside stimulus. Can we please just change the HOV lanes (which seemed like a good idea) into lanes strictly reserved for self-important idiots on cell phones, so the rest of us can get back to driving aggressively and recklessly?