You Know How I Feel About Texas....

Louise: I don't want to go that way. Find a way that we don't have to go through Texas.

Thelma: Wait. What? You want to go to Mexico from Oklahoma and you don't want to go through Texas?

Louise: You know how I feel about Texas...we're not going that way!

The marketing team of the High Point Church in Arlington, Texas is really top-notch. According to the church's website, High Point started just a few years ago as a congregation of just 16 poor souls in someone's living room. But, under the guidance of Pastor Gary Simons, the High Point marketing division was able to build their flock to 5,000 loyal spiritual consumers, who now worship every $unday in a 432,000 square foot House of the Lord, that sits on 100 of the holiest acres in Texas. With slogans like "Miracles Still Happen...I'm Living Proof," the High Point public relations gurus were able to move beyond the fact that Pastor Gary has the most extreme case of "gay face" since Paul Lynde, and really take their humble little church into the realm of "any franchise for Jesus is possible."

Well, the miracles are still happening at High Point...thanks to a miracle-working marketing team that really knows its customer base. This past week, High Point Church cancelled a planned memorial service for Cecil Sinclair, who was the brother of a church janitor, because Cecil was an unrepentant homo-sex-you-all, who was survived by his life partner. Cecil was also a son, a brother, a member of the Turtle Creek Chorale and a Navy veteran of Desert Storm, where he helped rescuers to find downed pilots.

The High Point marketing group, and Pastor Simons, know that Jesus, and his most beloved followers, hate the homosexuals, and to have offered the dignity of a memorial service in their Mega-Church to a loathed homosexual would most certainly have tarnished the brand's image amongst the good spiritual consumers of Texas.

From MSNBC:

Simons said the church believes homosexuality is a sin, and it would have appeared to endorse that lifestyle if the service had been held there.

“We did decline to host the service — not based on hatred, not based on discrimination, but based on principle,” Simons told The Associated Press. “Had we known it on the day they first spoke about it — yes, we would have declined then. It’s not that we didn’t love the family.”

And, just so there's no confusion....divorcees, adulterers, child abusers, liars, thieves, Bush-administration officials, cat burglars, malicious gossipers, shell-fish consumers, Aqua-Net users, warmongers, gun-toters, bullies, gamblers, cheats and coveters are welcome every $unday at High Point.